My findings consist of 4 themes each with 4 double identified subgroups (except the 4th theme), 1 original data and 1 selected image with a brief annotation representing my wider context.
Bodily Reality
- Being pregnant at CSM or Waddling Body and Bursting Bladder at a Fashionable CSM
- Giving birth or Bodily Tsunami
- Returning to work after pregnancy at CSM or Returning to CSM while in Bodily Trauma and Bond
- Breastfeeding at CSM or Bodily Pain, Fluids and Demoralising Negotiation at CSM
Quoted Data:
“I remember for me going back to work was the most out of body experience I ever had in my life. So much more than giving birth and the kind of postpartum week.…and it felt so unreal, like what ..am I trying to do here when I should be at home. I felt very strongly that it was wrong, but I also had to do it. I kind of knew I had to ease myself back into it. But it was very uncomfortable.”
Book: Motherhood by Ann Coxon, 2023:
Rineke Dijkstra 1959 –
Julie, Den Haag, Netherlands, February 29 1994 1994
“This photographic portrait, one of three, was created one hour after the woman had given birth to her baby. Posing naked in her home for Dijkstra’s camera, the woman shows vulnerability and strength. This is what new motherhood looks like. Stripped of clothing and protectively cradling their naked babies, the women remind us of the raw, biological fact of the mother’s body as the place in and through which all human life begins.”
Reason for selecting image:
I chose this picture because I feel it expresses my theme ‘Bodily Reality’ very well. It was part of one of the early exhibitions in Tate Modern called ‘Cruel and Tender’ in 2003 and stayed in my mind ever since.
Renegotiating Career
- Motherhood and Work in the fashion industry or Motherhood and Work Made Impossible in Fashion Industry
- Motherhood and Work at CSM (BA Fashion) or Motherhood is Zero Recognised at CSM
- Childcare or Charity Work
- Motherhood and Teaching or Teaching is not My First Choice
Quoted Data:
“I saw that pregnant women were immediately fired or would not return to work. If they did return to work, they were pushed out. And being completely honest, although it’s not very admirable of me to say, I don’t think that I would be working in education if I hadn’t had the wish to become a mother.”
From Tate Britain exhibition: Women in Revolt! Art and Activism in the UK 1970-1990
Image annotation:
Shirley Verhoeven 1932-1999
Born England, worked UK
Portfolio 1989
Pen and coloured pencil on paper
Verhoeven worked as an illustrator at Camberwell Borough Council, Decca Records and advertising agency developing promotional materials for West End theatres. In 1962, following the birth of her first child she stopped creating art work and took a job in Woolworth to support her growing family. In 1982, at the age of 50, Verhoeven began seeking creative work again. Portfolio was part of the portfolio she devised in her successful pursuit of paid work. It depicts an archetype young woman executive in the 1980s, dressed in a sophisticated ‘power’ suit and using the latest technology.
Reason for selecting image:
I chose this image because it illustrates perfectly the professional ‘self’, the self which seems so far from the mother-self. The artist Shirley Verhoeven experienced exactly what my theme ‘Renegotiating career’ means. She is the mother of one of my unique colleagues who is a famous fashion illustrator and artist.
Forever evolving Divided Selves – Personally and Interpersonally
- Internal Divide Being A Mother or Old and New Self – I can’t quite fit the 2 together.
- Internal Divide Being A Mother and A Professional or Being Professional Means Hiding Being a Mother
- Divide Between Parents And Non-Parents or You are one of them until you become a mum yourself.
- Dividing Mothers & Non-Mothers into other Mother- Selves or Non-Parents Wanting to be Mothered
Quoted Data:
“I think there is a shame that you feel, shame that you feel as a professional person to be also a family woman.”
Image annotation:
Rose Finn-Kelcey 1945-2014
Born England, worked UK
Divided Self (Speaker’s Corner)
1974-2011
Photograph, gelatin silver print mounted on aluminium.
In this photograph, Finn-Kelcey appears twice, apparently in conversation with herself on a bench in Hyde Park, London. The title references the Divided Self by psychiatrist R.D. Laing (1927-1989). The 1960 book explores the tension between our two personas: one our authentic, private identity, and the other ‘sane’ self that we present to the world. Some believe the psychological experience of living as a woman in a patriarchal society, where expected roles rarely reflect internal desires, can lead to divided identities.
Reason for selecting image:
As this theme Forever evolving Divided Selves – Personally and Interpersonally constitutes one of my key findings I was wondering what the origin for this phenomenon was and perhaps the above annotation could be a beginning of an answer. This could be part of my future research.
Artist-Mother
- Artist and Professional
- Artist and Motherhood
- Dichotomy – Art and Child – what comes first?
- Artist, Mother and Professional
Quoted Data:
“But equally it feels like my creative work, not working for other people, but my creative, my need to make things, to design or to draw or to whatever, also feels like an absolute like something in spite of me. It’s not like I can just switch it off. And so it’s just been very difficult to know how to give importance to those 2 things.”
Book: The Baby on the Fire Escape – Creativity, Motherhood, and the Mind-Baby Problem by Julie Phillips 2022
“Alice Neel made this portrait of her second son Hartley. The painting is also a self-portrait of her motherhood. The wide eyes of the boy seem fixed on the viewer, but the one he sees is Alice, who is revealed in a dresser mirror as she paints and watches over her child – artist and mother in a moment of unity.”
Alice Neel struggled throughout her career of being both a successful artist and a mother.
“A family friend observed that Alice had “worked out her own code of behaviour, whose cornerstones are two: 1) her freedom to paint; 2) the well-being of her two boys. For 1, she will surrender everything else …. The second … comes lower – but higher than anything else but the first.””
Reason for selecting image:
I chose this painting because it describes exactly the dichotomy of artist and mother and art and child. The beauty of the painting is that it is a portrait of the child and self-portrait of the mother and artist in a home setting not an artist studio. I discovered Alice Neel in my ARP. She is an early example of a female artist who tried to choose her artistic career over her children.
SURPRISING FINDINGS
- the findings seem massive/endless despite being such small project, it feels like this is a foundation for a book. I am at the beginning of the graph
- Every time I read a new damaging word it twisted my stomach: ‘not worthy, ashamed, a bit embarrassed, …’ – this comprises an age range from early 30s to 60 year old, there is a lot of pain
- The harshness to themselves and the constant fear of being labelled and not good enough; being so extremely critical themselves towards any associations with motherhood, one cannot win such as mothering, mumsy are ‘dirty words’; if you as mother appear ‘too perfect’ it is your fault. – and on the other side the majority explained that they are ‘kinder, softer and compassionate’ towards students since having become a mother
- The endless divisions and evolving identities, it seems like an endless transformation physically and mentally: mother, ‘bad mother’: mother doubt, the one who always is banging on about being a mother; former identity; working mother; work-self, non-parent, artist; being the mothering type with or without own children.
KEYWORDS
- difficult, hard
- difficult to balance
- challenge
- pressure
- I was close to breaking.
- it kind of felt like I was asked to prioritise work over being with your child.
- being stressed
- no sleep
- I used to feel a bit embarrassed
- You shouldn’t feel ashamed
- guilt
- disconnected
- unprofessional
- respect
- being late for school
- doing drop offs
- flexibility
- sometimes you just don’t have a choice
- wanting to work
- selfish
- luxury
- indulgent
- multitasking
- denial
- time and effort
- hide Motherhood
- Mother doubt
- Mumsy
- self-victimising
- soft
- kind
- compassionate
- sympathy
- compromise
- privilege
- sacrifice
- shock
- incredible love
- unique experience
- hardship
- cloud
- mental haze
- nourishment
- propriety
- appropriate
- proper
- separation anxiety
- not worthy
- shame
- essential mothering