Having an invisible disability and being invisible because of the disability in an environment filled with very visible people.
– Being a BA Fashion Design Womenswear student with Asperger’s Syndrome at CSM
This blog examines the challenge of having Asperger’s Syndrome which is an invisible disability and significantly makes you feel and be invisible, and at the same time studying on the BA Fashion Design Womenswear Course at Central Saint Martins, the largest and most competitive pathway filled with students making very visible, individual appearances.
In my position as a Pathway Leader for BA Fashion Design Womenswear I have 3 roles: pathway leader, teacher, and personal tutor. My teaching primarily consists of one-to-one tutorials which is uniquely beneficial because it allows a certain form of flexibility, and I can support each student according to their individual personality and ability with the aim that they fulfil their potential and thrive profoundly while always prioritising the student’s well-being. This method reflects the 4 values of the Disability Service at UAL of which the first value reads ‘Respect the individual’ and also promotes the Social Model of Disability ‘People are disabled by barriers in society, not by their impairment or difference.’
At CSM ‘individuality’ is being championed on every level, not only in terms of support but also students are encouraged to represent themselves as strong individuals believing in themselves and producing individual work. However, this can potentially represent an inner conflict for people with Asperger’s Syndrome’ because exercising to ‘fit in’ constitutes an ingrained trait of having ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’ called ‘to mask’ or ‘to camouflage’ which ‘means to hide or disguise parts of oneself in order to better fit in with those around you.’ This constitutes the opposite of being ‘individual’.
Being the personal tutor and doing one-to-one tutorials leads sometimes to students disclosing their disabilities to me. I know about 3 former BA womenswear students with Asperger’s Syndrome. The second and third student decided both to explore their disability in their final project and therefore, unmask, make visible and highlight who they were. This may have been partly a consequence of the rapidly growing awareness of neurodiversity in science, literature, social media etc.
I remember very clearly the interview of my second student with Asperger’s Syndrome when they applied to our course. At the time we did not know that the student had Asperger’s Syndrome neither did the student know. Their portfolio conveyed an odd aesthetic slightly old fashioned not necessarily an aesthetic we were searching for or would support on the course very much. They had started studying medicine previously but now wanted to do fashion. My boss and I decided to give them a place because of their uniquely passionate personality.
Getting to know my student and recognising certain patterns such as regular morning vomiting before coming to college, I suggested to the student to apply for a screening at UAL. As they followed my advice, they found out then that they had Asperger’s Syndrome. Opinions tend to differ about how beneficial early or late diagnoses of Asperger’s Syndrome is and people need to be given individual length of time to process who they are and when to talk about who they are. At first the new information seemed not have much visible effect on my student.
During the final year the student decided it was time not to be ‘invisible’ any longer they created a powerful final year project consisting not only of a distinctive, physical collection but also of an entire, ever growing digital world which they had imagined already as a child. They developed 3 key words: disappearance, metamorphosis, and revelation. Similar as ‘masking’ or ‘camouflage’ those 3 words lend themselves well to fashion.
It was also during the final year that the effect of having discovered that they had Asperger’s Syndrome less than a year ago became much more apparent. The ‘mask’ had been lifted not only from my student but also for me and somehow, we both had to deal with the consequences. One of my student’s closest friends accused my student of being ‘cold, without any emotions and nobody liked them in the fashion studio because of that’. Knowing that one characteristic of Asperger’s Syndrome is having difficulty understanding empathy my student was possibly shaken by their friend’s comment much more than if they would have been prior their diagnoses.
My student’s mask had been lifted, they had been exposed and had decided to reveal who they were within their final year project. This meant they went from masking and fitting in to wearing a label which people read well or less well according to the person’s knowledge of what that label meant. Significantly, my student was not perceived as an individual.
I found myself having lengthy internal dialogues about how to support my student best, how to approach their friend or the class as a whole and I developed all sorts of speeches in my head. I just did not know how to approach this. In the end I did a brief speech to the whole class in the fashion studio space encouraging them to be kind to each other, demonstrate understanding for each other and reminding them that we all had different needs which we must respect.
Having observed my 3 students with Asperger’s Syndrome and another one currently, I can state that the final year on the CSM BA Fashion Design constitutes very difficult hurdles for those students. In addition, their behaviour can affect the class and the tutors substantially. Aiming to advance the awareness of Asperger’s Syndrome and integrate my student’s research into my teaching practice I would like to invite my ex-student back to CSM to give a talk to my students followed by a workshop which would encourage the students to translate key words such as ‘masking’ and ‘invisibility’ etc. into physical forms or performances, relating to body and mind. I intend to eventually create a saver space for ‘being visible with a disability’.
References:
Asperger’s Syndrome: One of my tutors advised me not to use the term ‘Asperger Syndrome’ because there are now different opinions about the term and instead use ‘autistic’. As my tutor further explained that there is not ‘correct’ terminology I decided to continue using it because this is what those students were diagnosed with at the time, so I feel this is correct within this context.
UAL – Our Values – Disability Service
https://www.arts.ac.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0029/28829/Disability-Service-Values-PDF-1080-KB.pdf
Social Model of Disability
https://www.scope.org.uk/about-us/social-model-of-disability/
‘Historically it was thought that women and girls were less likely to be autistic, however recent research has highlighted the challenges in identifying autism in women and girls. It is now recognised from research, clinical practice and anecdotal reports that many autistic females or those who demonstrate the less traditionally obvious traits of autism are not recognised. This can result in misdiagnosis, late diagnosis, or women and girls not being diagnosed at all.’
‘Even so, not all women who camouflage say they would have wanted to know about their autism earlier — and researchers acknowledge that the issue is fraught with complexities. Receiving a formal diagnosis often helps women understand themselves better and tap greater support, but some women say it comes with its own burdens, such as a stigmatizing label and lower expectations for achievement.’
Published on 21 February 2018
Author: Francine Russo
https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/costs-camouflaging-autism/ BY
‘More often than not, we have to spend our entire lives hiding our traits and trying to fit in, even though the odds of appearing ‘non-autistic’ are against us.’
Published on 07 July 2022
Author: Dr Hannah Belcher, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-masking
The best solution to reducing the need for autistic people to mask is to spread awareness to non-autistic people of different neurodiverse behaviours and thinking patterns. When non-autistic people know someone is autistic, they seem to judge them less harshly. However, this strategy is not an easy one and will take years of effort before it is fully ingrained in our society.
Published on 07 July 2022
Author: Dr Hannah Belcher, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-masking